I really do try to pay attention when I take my daughter to the orthodontist. We are getting to the point now where the braces are about to come off. I should be watching as the assistant cleans her teeth, talks about her progress, or lack of it, in regards to her bite shifting into the correct position. I should be engaging in small talk, asking the orthodontist about how his life is going and what his kids are up to and what he did for the holidays. But I can’t. The windows are too big.
You could hear it coming closer. Baaa. Baaa. Baaaaaaaaaa!There was a sheep bleating at us in the woods.
The kids I was with weren’t used to early morning walks. They weren’t used to the woods either. Or the mist that shrouded the lowland by the river that we were hiking through. They were inner city kids, most of them afraid of the woods, the majority of them had never seen deer before and most were quite certain there were bears hiding out there ready to eat them. I love those kids.
True Love is unconditional, right? Think about that statement. Unconditional. I know I’ve used it before. I love you unconditionally! But what does that really mean?
When I asked myself to come up with examples of unconditional love, I always think of people first. I think of my children and giving birth to them. I think of the amazement of holding them in my arms for the first time. When I looked into their eyes I felt unconditional love to the extreme. At that moment I was swept away. I would do anything for them. Anything!
Getting to know Spirit through nature isn’t usually a logical process. In fact, one’s sanity can be rightly questioned. This particular morning had me arguing with myself over a bowl of cereal. It was quite early and as I mumbled to myself reasons to not respond the The Pull, I already knew I was losing the battle.
I had been spending a lot of time in the woods. I could sit still for hours in natural settings. The things I saw, the moments of beauty that wrapped around me like the morning mist, brought moments of Oneness with Spirit. I lived for that. The more time I spent in the woods, the more my intuition began to lead me to things. I would find place to sit just inside the tree line and then wait until I’d feel The Pull, a tug, a tightness in the belly. Then there would be clarity and I’d know where to go. Sometimes it happened within minutes. Sometimes I had to sit for a half hour or more.
People say I’m stubborn and I guess they are right. I’d rather use the word determined. Either way, I had sat myself down on a picnic table only twenty feet from a parking lot. And I was going to sit there in the 100 degree heat until God said something.
It started when I had my first child. I became pregnant totally unexpectedly. I had been training for a marathon, running anywhere between five to twenty miles a day. That kind of training usually diminishes the chances of conceiving. I beat the odds I guess and when my son was born I fell head over heels in love with my little boy. Now, four years later, I was loosing faith. I desperately wanted another child. But no matter what we did, how hard we tried, how much I prayed, I couldn’t get pregnant.